Lovin on the Edge

Ok, showing my age...But do you remember the Aerosmith Song "Livin on the Edge"? Well it's been in my brain for several days now (who knows why I haven't heard it for years). But instead of the word Livin my brain has been saying Lovin (it's a scary place, my brain). I think the Lovin is a God prompt to write this. So I obediently follow - 3 days later :(

I have been lovin Brody on the edge since he was conceived. Are you that brave? I didn't know I was till now. I was so afraid to invest in my pregnancy with Brody. Having 4 miscarriages you can understand why. Then when he came I was scared everyday would be the last. I had a prayer several years ago. I prayed that God would allow me to just hold one of my children, if he would please just let me look into the eyes of my child. When Brody came so early and then on day 2 came so close to death, then I watched him turn blue more times than I want to count. I thought I was going to have my prayer answered and only my prayer, that I was not going to raise my son, mother my son, love him all my days. But I still loved.

Everyday I would pray gratitude for that day. For instance, "If it ends today at least I got to see my baby on an ultrasound." "If it ends today at least I know it's a boy." "If it ends today at least I got to feel my child move inside of me." "If it ends today at least I got to look into his eyes." "If it ends today at least I got to hold him." I wanted him so badly and for so long that I would take him for as long or as little as God could give him to me. I was loving on the edge. I saw several babies in the NICU without visitors. Some had circumstances that left them unable to come only on weekends, some had health problems of their own. But I met one mother who said she just couldn't take it. Wow, I couldn't take not being there ( I got into so much "trouble" early on when I was supposed to be home healing). But she hadn't been taught to love at all costs. Brent and I have parents that love at all times. So doing that for Brody came natural. The baby of the mother that couldn't take it passed away, I think of that young mother often and pray for her healing.

Being there beside Brody's isolette was for his benefit as much as mine. There have been studies that babies with active parents heal more quickly and grow much faster (Brody should be the poster child for growing fast, lol). Also we would watch Brody's monitors. His breathing would be much smoother and saturation levels higher when we talked, sang, and read to him. He knew he belonged to us.

I do not say my "If it ends today"...prayers any longer but I do have several weepy moments a week where my blessing overwhelms me. When Brent is holding Brody, or the first time Brody took a nap in his room (I just couldn't believe I had a baby room with a baby in it), or when he's asleep in my arms, etc........... God is so good to me he answered my prayers in excess. No prayer is too little for God and no prayer is too big. So I'll keep living Lovin on the Edge.

Brody loves to make silly sounds and giggle this week. He still rolls from his back to his belly but not reverse. He doesn't like to play on his belly much but we encourage him to do it to build his upper body strength. He loves to stand on our laps. And most of the time he hates to recline, he takes his elbows and pushes them back so he can sit up straight. He is holding his head up really well this week. And I pray it's a God intervention, but his reflux seems better this week, alleluia. Not nearly as much spit up. I pray pray pray it's so. He can reach his lion on his jungle gym and pull to make it play the songs. He kicks his right leg more than his left so he is always doing 180's wherever he lays. He can also wake up from his nap and roll on his side and turn on his rain forest, too funny. He is very good at entertaining himself . He doesn't cry when he awakens he just plays in his crib and starts talking (shock shock mine and Brent's child wakes up talking). He is an angel.